A Writers Rambles on Writing

The art of writing combines dexterity with imagination, stamina, procrastination and insane mental journeys. You have to be worthy of being a criminal mastermind as well as be worthy of an asylum [at times]. You must also write. A hurdle in the process, but one necessary. Be prepared to feel bewildered, afraid and feeling the sweat of anticipation, precipitate on your brow. New life flows from your fingertips so you may need to relax before you release the hidden truths locked in your very universes. Writers are gods of the hidden realms and the keeper of the keys of knowledge. Weavers of magic and wonder, the storm winds of change. They are the ones that have made history and recorded it. The beginning and the end.

 

Your very body is composed of words in your own language spoken internally, a voice that never stays quiet. Writers are the ones that can transmute that disquiet into something new, something real.

 

So as a writer, I live in those pockets between existence and ethereal. I fall into them without trying to. New voices and destinies cascade across my very dreams. Their lives live out in disquiet, wanting their truths known. The living and dead exist together, like threads bound to this world. One golden thread shimmering with breath, heartbeat and roaring noises screaming to the sky. The other, a thin translucent line, glittering like glass, whispering like the wind. The hidden. Clinging together and staying true to its course. I write for the whispers because it is only then, that the noise makes sense.

 

You. You fascinate me.

Why?

We are our own universes… how you live, who you are, the things you love, your day… everything is beautiful and unknown to me. I want to know. I want to watch you. I want to breathe you in. I want to love your ways. You are like a veil; I want to see what is underneath. Yet, I do not want to move amongst you, I am comfortable, happy even, in my own cave. I am a child of heavy black curtains drawn, and candlelight at all hours. The light is not the friend of my own church – the place I get to, to fall into the mode of just writing.

 

As you can see, I have free wrote. I have simply sat here and let my hands and mind speak, freely. Post Malone playing in the background. My heart and soul lay open. Awaiting the crows to peck out my soul. Each crow wears my face; the face of extreme exhaustion, the face of distraction, the face of time going to fast. Deep breath. Stop. Now go.

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WORKING TITLE: Notorious

Sharing my latest writing project: It is about a British gangster boss, his life in and out of the job, peddling drugs and sex. He shares his “crown” with four others, dividing London up by location: North, East, South and West. Meeting weekly with the other bosses to sort whatever needs sorting. Thinking this could be a BRITISH series or one off movie. You don’t actually see many about real British modern gangsters, how it can be passed down and the mob mentality of true bosses. Yeah it is only a few pages. But you can see where it is going.

Writing activity

SCRIPT FOR FILM:

FADE UP TO THE MUSIC – TASTE by TYGA (FT. OFFSET)

INT – SCENE 1: Smoky dark underground club – Night – Men are stood against the wall as women dance on strip poles and in cages.

CUTS to a waitress carrying a tray through the crowd, following her, through the music, through doors, the music FADES the further along she goes down the hall, until you can barely hear it. It abruptly stops as she enters into the bright light of a restaurant, you can hear noise of many people talking (it’s busy), she continues through the restaurant, through another set of doors, down stairs, to a basement, where she stands as four men are sat around a large black table.

CUTS to one of the men who nods to her (MARCOS).

CUTS to her smiling

CUTS to her placing the tray at the centre of the table

CUTS to another man taking out a wad of twenty pound notes (VALENTINO), you see her hands as she takes it, cuts to her pudding the money in her bra, smiling and nodding.

CUTS to her kissing the man who paid her (VALENTINO) on the cheek.

CUTS to him smiling as he takes his double shot of whiskey and takes a shot.

CUTS to his hands putting the whiskey down, his hands are full of gold and silver rings, his knuckles look bruised.

UNKNOWN VOICE:

i-i-i-I’m s-s-s-s-orry

CAMERA PANS INTO VALENTINO’s FACE as he talks:

(Calmly) Sorry? (Louder, exasperated) SORRY? Check out this guy… You knew what you signed up for… yet you take money out of my pocket so you can try what you’re supposed to sell. How is that good for business? How is SORRY going to pay me back?

CAMERA STAYS ON VALENTINOS FACE

UNKNOWN VOICE:

Please. I will pay you back – with interest. Please, no more, please.

VALENTINO BRINGS A CIGERETTE TO HIS MOUTH, TAKES A PUFF THEN BLOWS OUT THE SMOKE

VALENTINO:

(Laughs, settling on a smile) Now what kind of boss would I be, If I simply let you walk. You’ve taken the piss outta me. Do I want everyone taking the piss? (STARING STRAIGHT DOWN THE CAMERA) Do I want people going – oh look there’s Valentino, he don’t care about his stash being used, he don’t care, so lets take the piss. Do you know what comes after that? Hmm? Do you? (says slowly, deliberately nods) Challenge. With it? War. Now my associates here, would not appreciate a weak leader, would you fellas.

CUTS TO THREE MEN STILL SEATED, SMILING. NOT SAYING A WORD.

CUT TO VALENTINO as he takes another drag of his cigarette. He stares for a few moments.

VALENTINO:

Nah, untie him, you can go.

CAMERA STAYS ON VALENTINO AS YOU HEAR ROPES BEING UNDONE, CAMERA SLIGHTLY PANS OUT AS YOU SEE THE BACK OF A OLDER SCRUFFY TEENAGER, HE LOOKS AT VALENTINO WHO MOTIONS TO THE STAIRS, THEN TURNS TO THE OTHERS LAUGHING.

Cut to the teenager running as fast as he can up the stairs until you only see feet.

SCENE 2: OUTSIDE THE CLUB, NIGHT.

CUTS TO OUTSIDE, THE TEENAGER STARTS WALKING TO THE TRAIN STATION WHEN A MOPED PULLS UP BESIDE HIM. TWO PEOPLE WITH BLACK HELMETS TURN.

CUTS TO THE BACK OF THE OLDER TEENAGER, YOU CAN SEE THE PASSENGER ON THE MOPED RAISE A HANDGUN SHOOT HIM FOURS TIMES, THEN THEY TAKE OFF QUICKLY DOWN A SIDE STREET. OLDER TEENAGER COLLAPSES.

IT STARTS TO RAIN AS THE CAMERA PANS FROM THE TOP VIEW OF THE DEAD TEENAGER, HE STARES AT THE SKY AS A PASSER BY RUNS TO HIM AND BRINGS OUT THEIR MOBILE.

SCENE 3: IN THE BASEMENT – NIGHT

VALENTINO – Still smoking ends, he is on the phone call.

VALENTINO:

Thanks. Great news.

CUTS TO PHONE CALL ENDING, THE NUMBER READS: H1

He turns to the other three men and sits back down.

VALENTINO:

Now where were we.

END SCENE.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

I understand F. Scott Fitzgerald. I am the first to say that I too, am both insecure and passionate about my own abilities in writing. From the regular existential crisis’ of “what the capital F am I doing” and “I’m not good enough” to the belief that “surely someone will get it”. I am completely imperfect; certainly not knowledgable and my punctuation and use of grammar certainly needs work. I like stories to be linear unless the break feeds into the linear narrative, but even then, my mind can spiral. I live with depression; self-medicating with legal alternative therapies in the form of vaping liquids procured through health farms, too much wine and allowing the rollercoaster ups, downs and dreamscapes from too much sleep take hold, unless I’m an insomniac for that particular week. I feel like I will fail everything; becoming another negative government statistic. Taking a step or trying to focus IS hard! *deep breath* F. Scott Fitzgerald died feeling like a failure. He struggled financially, personally and did not get that critical acclaim until after his death. What do I want? Not fame, nor a lot of money, not intense recognition nor critiques. Thinking about it, perhaps all I want is freedom. To write, to take pictures, to travel, and things that I do to be read and actually enjoyed. I want to feel pride in myself and a nice regular income, from the safety of my own four walls.

How do you feel?

What do you want?

Revelations of the flu

Sadly, I have been infected with the dreaded lurgies, which has, for over four weeks, left me in a state of complete and utter disrepair. Not only have I appeared gross, but my energy has been pretty much null. Leading me to be a silkworm wrapped in two bed-covers. Somehow, I have put one foot in front of the other and kept three children alive. Not always easy, mind. The tiredness alone has been all consuming.

On another note, linking to my last blog. I am a published writer! Woot. Win. Awesome sauce eh! Though I really need to get out of the house at some point; work on the photography aspect of my artistry. I had to give up my full-frame but I have a replacement and wish to play with it, with a defined goal. I thought about revisiting the half-burnt carcass of Mountain Ash Hospital; if it is even reachable. I have also thought about exploring more of Cardiff, or revisiting London or even just taking a train to nowhere in particular. The world (or at least the UK) is my oyster and considering I’m usually stuck in doors, getting by with life stuff, I need to get out there!

I’d love to revisit New York too – that city has always held my heart with how grand and concrete it is. I would love to see San Francisco too. Well, one day I may just get the chance.

But for now, I will work on what I can. I need to revamp my website, and this blog needs a facelift. Gotta plan how what and why. Read textbooks and illuminate my still-tired brain. I will get there, I always do. It’s a mix of energy drinks and will that will get me through the mountains that I have to climb. To be the best you gotta put in the effort.

On another note, I have submitted a major bit of coursework yesterday. A post-apocalyptic story of a man who loses everything, is unable to mentally leave his flat so ends up wanting to commit suicide, tries and fails. Big twist as to why. Found writing the commentary hard, but I am not good at spinning words in that way. More of a intuitive writer. My next part of the course starts next week – screenwriting, scriptwriting and creating a 15 minute play. Something I know nothing about but enough books to sift through.

Though reading textbooks; is it just me, whose brain puts the most boring mental voice to them, to the point that you cannot concentrate and end up wanting to fall asleep… no? no??? Help me… lol.

Today is my 12 year olds’ birthday, so I will sign off with – have a nice day. She is growing up too quickly, though the tantrums and hormones drives me bananas. Love her to bits though. Will always fight for her, forever and ever. Even if I have to be the bad guy at times. Life of a mother, eh?

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I’M AN AUTHOR WOOOOO

My debut novel “Black Moon Rises: The First Book” is now available via Amazon!

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What would you do in her position?”

Let me know what you think 🙂

Always learning and becoming…

I have been chewing myself lately; to be the best, you have work. WORK WORK WORK. And i have, dear lord. I have.

This personal blog will soon be redesigned – to optimise readability etc yeah yeah, i know i got my official business one via website (LINK) but i think it is important to keep something personal for those super BLAH days when you just need to work yourself out. Or make lists or just be… you. You know?

My socials have been steadily gaining the odd bit of traction, receding, then growing again. It is kind of like the waves on the sand… but it is getting there. And my degree has been going surprisingly well. Why is it surprising, you may ask, well, i generally think my stuff is not as good, or i’m not as learned. Normal insecure writer stuff. I think a few of the students get me now, which has been invaluable for feedback. I can already see improvement.

I am also doing some work for people and trying to fit time in to self-publish – i got two books i am working on. One, is a collection of short stories, the other is my debut novel. But the novel is stuck in limbo in the editing stage, then i gotta learn how the heck to get it on amazon! I know once i have one up there, i’ll be laughing. I’d be proud of myself if it just made a pound.

Also, I am working on articles, currently inundated with prime research, i gotta get the time to get them written, because some of the stuff i’ve discovered is GOLD. I mean, i have been researching about men that use sex sites, married men who cheat (how, why, when etc) and sexuality as a commodity. I’ve interviewed men and women, under strict anonymity (but can use quotes as long as not identifiable) as well as the use of social media as sexual springboards. So you can imagine how much information i have to use. Some i’ll think about pitching, some i will be self-publishing. Which brings me to the never ending to-do list.

I so have to start getting editors emails and the like, so I can really start to push myself out there. I have made a great start. I know who I am, I like myself and I am confident enough to say “gurrrrlll you got this”

“My Cultured Life” A Cosmo learn about me

Kelly-Anne Tomlinson-Docherty; writer, artist, photographer, a self-proclaimed try-everything-once-then-again-just-because person who loves to delve into the darkest minds and weirdest parts of society on what is keeping her entertained this month.

(Yes cringe, I am cringe. I am not shy of being cringe. Because I am trying to work myself out with my writing with this Masters and what comes after)

Last thing that you bought?

A few tops from eBay. I’ve done Christmas and birthday shops but then realised some of my favourite tops are looking a little worse for wear. Need a sort out really as I just took out my favourite jeans and they’ve started developing holes in the crotch. I swear I’m not the weirdo pulling at their bits… I blame my big thighs… and dodgy seams. Make of it what you will. But yeah, tops, I’m not a newness snob, so yeah.

Most recent binge (TV) session?

Don’t really watch TV, seen as my overzealous kids have infected it with YouTube videos that they repeat over and over. I am more of a streamer and tend to catch up for the precious few hours that they are in bed in the evening. The daytime is for background Jeremy Kyle or music whilst I do my best (and worst) work. The last thing that I probably binged on, was soaps. They have been fantastic lately… I have cried when the credits just started on one without actually watching it! That’s how good, it has psychically and emotionally throttled WITH JUST THE CREDITS.

Last google search?

Researching Art universities and dodgy sites for an assignment on a character; quite fascinating really how anonymous someone could be and then trying to link it to a woman being a serial killer, using these sites to find prey and then using the murders as inspiration for art projects. People really do open themselves up. It would feel too easy…

Current Wallpaper on your phone?

Cityscape as I am a born city girl, living in the country and need a holiday… to a city. Where it can be me, my iPad, my camera and my walking shoes. Plus I have the whole Earthcam app unlocked… so it’s kinda like a mental holiday whenever I look at it. At least, that is what I tell myself.

What is on your workout playlist?

I am quite eclectic and quite like to update and shuffle them. My playlists aren’t called “Workout”, my best one I use is “WHO YOU ARE” which has everything awesome. Faithless to Kasey Musgraves to Sia to Missy Elliot to Puddle of Mudd. Everything from the 80’s onwards. I like to pick individual tracks that I would actually listen to. My wind down playlist is aptly entitled “Country Music” can you guess why?

Song that gets you dancing?

Ain’t a song though I am digging YoungBlood by 5 seconds of Summer (reminds me of Jughead from Riverdale for some reason) My kids are the ones that get me moving…

App that you can’t live without?

Notes on my iPhone. Anything that invades my thoughts sometimes ends up hashed out on it. Including when I rewrote “Prince to Belair” to “Princess of Aberdare”

Go-to takeaway dish?

Mega-box Kebab. With lots of wine. My hottie of a husband. Kids in bed. Stuff playing on my laptop. HEAVEN. We are married, we will grow into overweight old drunks together. #couplegoals

Ever been starstruck?

Nah. To be honest, it must be tedious to have people up in your grill and brown-nosing. I am happy to give space or engage. I am a huge believer in personal space and all that. Though I did once see Jerry Springer come into a bar… then promptly leave. That was probably the only time I felt starstruck in all the times that I have met “famous” people. Plus more than half the time, I have no idea who they are, so pretty much shrug. Ask questions to make us both feel less awkward and get on with whatever reason, I was there for.

Favourite emoji?

😉 <— the wink. You do not have to answer questions with that and it makes you seem either mysterious or flirtatious. As I am neither, it works.

Last instagram follow?

Just group adds off of my contacts list. Literally, no clue who I actually added.

Last thing you do before bed?

Let my imagination run…

Last podcast that you listened to?

You know, I have NEVER listened to a Podcast. Though I would be interested in listening to ones that are thought-provoking or real life type of ones. Was curious about the Teen Mom’s one. You know, Lowry, with the three adorbs boys? I saw a snippet of her working on her podcast and it looks good… but NO IDEA how to find it.

Last film that made you cry?

I cannot remember, but I remember the last programme that did. The episode of Emmerdale, when Chaz had the baby (Spoiler alert!) I sobbed. Proper ugly cried. It was so sad.

Books on your bedside table?

Whore Biographies 1700-1900 from British Library (copies of them all), Sookie Stackhouse collection, Lestat by Anne Rice. Sticky Fingers collection by JT Lawrence. There are actually so much more than that but that is off the top of my head.

First thing that you read in the morning?

Emails and if I get time, a quick glance through my Facebook feed… before an alarm goes off to remind myself not to lose the day.

 

Thanks for reading. Copy and paste your version. Would be more interesting than mine, maybe.

K x