Normal things that people never talk about…

I am sitting here a little fluey in bed; I went to the doctors Monday afternoon on an emergency appointment after leaving work half-way through the day as i really looked and felt bad. I was sick too. Anyways, i thought i would use this “home” time to write up a few things that have gone through my mind and things i have discovered.

1. Doctor told me that the only truly safe thing to take when ill is paracetamol. He said everything else contains a higher degree of risk which should be weighed up to what the mother needs and what could affect the baby. He told me everything that i was doing was right but need to rest more, regardless of who and what needs me, i should stay in bed and rest more. So i am dosed up with 1000mg of paracetamol every four hours, hot baths, facial steaming, vitamin water, green tea / coffee and tons of tissue paper. Today (Wednesday 20th feb 2013) is the first day for ages that i am having a full lay in! And i think, today, i am actually beginning to feel better.

2. Coffee – up to 2 cups a day – is not bad for the baby. Infact, varying your diet actually can safeguard the baby for the future. Small amounts of caffeine will actually help in desensitizing the foetus to future caffeine related problems. As having peanuts can help in building antibodies so that the bubs doesnt gain an allergy. I suppose to myself, it makes sense, we have to build these building blocks somehow! 

3. There are many emotions that you go through when pregnant; there are many that people don’t and won’t talk about because they can be taboo and hurt to say out loud, i.e.:

 – Fear: of course, you will get scared, I certainly am! I have always been terrified of children, dirty nappies and pretty much have never looked after a kid. But then, you kinda also start thinking “this is my child” but you are also scared of making mistakes. 

 – Doubt: will i actually be a good mum? will my child actually love me? What if they hate me and cannot stand to be near me? What if i cannot relate to them… for me, it was because he is a boy and i have no experience at all with boys, and certain things in my long, arduous history made me super afraid of him. I love him, but it made me scared for a little while to embrace that. I thought for a moment, that he would not want me to be his mother. Even writing those words makes me tear up but i kinda realise that he is my boy, he is me and laurence and he WILL be a mummys boy. When i am upset he jabs me not long after as if to say “stop being silly mummy, i am comfy in here and i love you”. 

 – Cravings: OMG. My sweet tooth has gone up a notch and anyone who knows me, knows that i used to hate hot drinks but now its two things i adore – Green Tea and Coffee. As with the sweets and drinks, you kinda have to limit yourself, otherwise you turn into a coffee stained cookie monster.

 – Frustration: Everyone has an opinion. Alot of people will talk before they think. Alot of the time, they believe they are doing the right thing and trying to help. To you, it’s immensely frustrating and can illicit your famous rage. You hear judgments of other parents that you believe are fantastic so you get annoyed for them. You get the usual “you wont know til you give birth, you’ll want everything that they can give you so don’t plan too much” like your bull-headed stubbornness and strength isn’t enough (with me, if people tell me i can’t, i flipping do!) and you hear things which you should and should not be doing. Funnily enough, what i have been doing has got both a doctors and the midwives seal of approval! So all i can do is ignore or simply state that “EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, WHAT WORKS FOR ONE, DOESN’T NECESSARILY WORK FOR ANOTHER” … and pray i remember these lessons and not make the same mistakes when the shoe is on the other foot.

 – Wanting things a certain way and getting very annoyed when it isn’t. Maybe its just me, but i need things to have a routine. Or it’s flipping irritating. I know it”ll be different when junior comes along, i guess its the hormones and in a way, i find respite in knowing whats what. 

 – Feeling like sometimes, you are living by the skin of your teeth; then the other part of you goes – nope. You always have a plan, you won’t fail if you have your plans. Just use each day to make sure they happen. 

4. I have recently learn that when you have a newborn and a coldsore, stay away!!!! Take a Break, Thats Life, Chat etc etc – the cheapie mags really can teach you a fair few things. So do read away; don’t let them scare you, learn from them. I do. I enjoy them too. 🙂

5. It is okay to ask for help. If you want to. It’s okay to tell them that you don’t want help and to not interfere. It is okay to be honest, because sometimes, talking can set you free! It’s okay to take a deep breath and to allow someone, be it your partner or whoever, to take the weight of your world for a little while. It also makes them feel useful.

6. People forget the dads, which i do not think is fair, because it is a massive journey for the dad-to-be as well. So it is important for him to be involved every step of the way too. As with both sides of the family. This kid is going to have a massive loving family. You just gotta be able to engage them all but also make it clear when you need time on your own / no advice or interference as well as when you need a little help / respite. It’s a juggling act.

Kelly 

2 thoughts on “Normal things that people never talk about…

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